Father's Day

I am a Daddy's Girl!

I have been for as long as I can remember.  In fact, one of my favorite memories of my dad was the year that I got to spend his anniversary with him instead of my mom.  I know, I know, he should have been able to spend it with her but he had to go speak at a church and my mom needed to stay at our home church that week.

I remember being so excited that I got to spend time alone with Daddy.  We traveled I don't even remember where.  We spent hours in the car, some of which I slept.  We visited this little church where the parsonage was a really old fire house that used to house horses (I think).  But most importantly, we got to spend some quality time together.

My favorite part about that trip was when we stopped to tour a submarine.  I remember being so excited because it was something that I alone got to share with my Daddy.  We walked through this submarine that was a bit cramped inside but that didn't matter to me, I was with my dad.

Throughout the years my relationship with my Dad has changed.  I am no longer the little girl that would sit on her Father's lap at bedtime and pretend to fall asleep just so that he would have to carry me to bed.  I am no longer the girl who tried to squeeze between mommy and daddy when they kissed just because I could.

I am no longer the little girl that would get in trouble for not cleaning my room, or for putting everything in my kitchen set and under my bed so my room would look clean.  I no longer get spankings for being bad, or privileges for being good.  Things have changed.

Some things have NOT changed though.  My dad has always made sure that I knew that he loved me, whether it be the single red rose he would give me on Valentine's Day, or the way he would come in and tuck me into bed at night, or the way he would be there to guide me as I learned to do something new and scary like ride a bike without training wheels.

Dad has also always been there for me, no matter how far away he is.  When I was little he would always be there to pick me up when I fall, to laugh with me when we did something silly, or to hold me when I cried.  These things haven't changed.  I can still run to my Daddy when I need advice, or when I'm scared or worried, and he still holds me when I cry, even if it is from thousands of miles away.

I love my Daddy more than words can say and I am so thankful that he is MY DADDY!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

It's always so much fun to watch my amazing husband interact with children.  As I watch him play with them, hold them, and just be around them I can't help but think that he is going to be an amazing Father one day!

I had thought that it would happen this year, but sadly I was wrong.  Now as I watch him with other children I become sad, knowing that he will never get the chance to meet our sweet little angel baby on this earth.

I continue to pray, constantly, that God will bless us with children and give my husband the chance to be the amazing Father that I know that he will be.  However, until that time comes I simply watch and smile as he enjoys the company of other people's little ones.

Dear husband of mine, I want to wish you a wonderful Father's Day.  Even as this day is sad for me I can smile at least a little as I think about the happy moment that you and our sweet angel baby will share when we finally meet her in Heaven and how much I will smile as I watch you laugh and play together.

Mother's Day - A Bittersweet Affair

I love my mother, with all my heart!

My mother has taught me many lessons over the years.  As a young child she taught me that she loved me unconditionally, that she cared for me whether I was sick or in perfect health, that she would provide for me regardless of what we actually had.  I know that there were times where I was not easy to love, and I'm sure that caring for a child who is sick is not easy, and yet she persisted.

As I grew older her lessons changed.  She still taught me that she would love, care, and provide for me, but there were other lessons as well.  She taught me responsibility, how to be a true friend, and how to take care of the things that I had.  Granted, I didn't always want to clean my room or be nice to people (especially my siblings), but my mother ensured that I knew how to do these things and why they were important.

Throughout the years the lessons evolved and were added to.  My mother taught me not only that she would always love me but that God loves me unconditionally as well and I need to share that love with others.  She showed me that not only will she always care for me but that God does too and that I should care for others in the same way.  I learned from her that she will always provide for me, regardless of how little we have, and that God will do the same for me.  As she taught me responsibility I learned that everything I had was to be taken care of, and that I was to be thankful for what God had provided for our family.  The only reason I have true friends is because my mother taught me how to treat those I care about, how to be a true friend as Christ is to me.

I have learned a lot from my mother over the years and yet she still continues to teach me, as she always has.
When I met the man that I ended up marrying I learned that my mom had been teaching me more about life than I realized.  She was my example of what a wife should really be.  She cared for my father unconditionally.  It was always obvious that she loved him, regardless of whether or not they were disagreeing at the time.  My mother stood by my father through good times and bad, in sickness and in health.  She loved him, honored him, and cherished him and I got to see it every day.

I never realized what a commitment it was to be married, however I knew how it was supposed to look simply from watching my parents and learning from their godly example.  No, they are not perfect.  However, they love each other with a love that only God can give and they will always stand by each other's side.

The lessons my mother has taught me have made me who I am today!  Without the example from my mother I wouldn't know how to stand by my husband in the bad times.  I wouldn't know how to care for him when he is sick and I would be much more likely to give up on my marriage when we disagree.  The lessons that my mother has spent a lifetime teaching me are the reason that I am the woman that I am today.

I love my mother, more than I can describe, and I am so thankful for everything that she has, and is still, teaching me.

I love you Mommy!

As I grew older and got married I started to look forward to the time when I would become a mother and have the chance to teach a little one the same lessons that my mother has taught me.  I looked forward to the day when I would hold a child in my arms and hear them call me "Mommy".  I looked forward to showing a new little child how amazing the world was.  However, that dream has yet to become a reality.

My husband is in the Military.  This means that he is gone for long stretches of time, and has been for the last 3 years.  It is a life that I agreed to, and accept.  However, this has not made it easy for us to have children.

I have spent a long time longing to have a child of my own.  It is a desire that I have had since the day that I married my wonderful husband.  I never imagined that that dream would come with the challenges, and heartbreak, that it has.

This is why Mother's Day is a bittersweet affair for me.

 I love my mother, I always have and I always will, but, I also long to be a mother myself.  There are days that I watch my husband as he plays with a young child and I can easily see how wonderful a Father he will make some day.  I watch new mothers with their babies and long for one of my own to care for, snuggle with, sing to, and teach just as my mother teaches me.  

Not long ago I thought that my dream had come true, that I finally had the chance to make a difference in the life of a child, my child.  But it was not meant to be.

So now here we are, two days before Mother's Day, and my heart aches.  I long for the child that I will never have the chance to hold in my arms, that I will never get to hear call me "Mommy", that I will never get to watch play with my husband.  I miss a child that I never even had the chance to know!

Mother's Day is going to be quite a challenge for me this year.  In fact, I told my husband that I don't even want to go to church on Sunday.  Why? You ask.  The reason is simple.  The day is set aside to honor Mother's, something that I totally agree with.  However, watching as Mothers are honored is going to be heartbreaking.  It makes me question what makes a mother.  Is a mother simply someone who has given birth to a child?  Adopted a child? Do people even realize that there are a lot of women out there who are mothers but simply never had the chance to hold their child in their arms?  Do people even consider those women mothers?

My heart is in pieces that won't ever go back together the same way again and Mother's Day simply shines a light on all the cracks in my heart.  Something that I am not ready for at this point in time.

So on Sunday, as we all honor Mothers, I ask you to remember those who never had the chance to know their child.  There are more Mother's in the world that never had the indescribable pleasure of holding their newborn in their arms and their hearts could very well be breaking all over again.  Keep these mothers in your prayers as we all spend the day Celebrating our own Mothers.

I love you Mom!  Thank you for everything you have done for me!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

My Angel Baby

To Hope - My Dear Sweet Angel Baby, Born to Heaven on April 10, 2015

From the moment you came into my life I loved you, even though it was four weeks before I knew you were even there. You touched my life for the briefest of moments, and yet I love you as if you had been here for an eternity. My love for you will never end!

My heart broke when you went to be with Jesus. I didn't think that we had had enough time together. I never got to meet you, to touch you, to hold you. But, I did get to love you, from the moment you were conceived.

As much as I wanted to hold you in my arms here on earth Jesus had a different plan for your life. He knew that you were too perfect to spend your time here and instead took you to Heaven to live with Him. So now you sit beside Him, in a land of perfect peace.  

There are people up there who love you too, my grandma and daddy’s grandpa. I know they like to play with you, hold you, love you. So keep them company for me, until I can be with you.

Right now I might be crying, because I miss you so. But Mommy really loves you, that I hope you know. We’ll see each other soon and I’ll hold you in my arms, and you’ll know how much I've loved you, right from the very start.

So stay near to Jesus my dear, run and laugh and play. Spend time with the other Angel babies, and when I meet you up there I’ll hold you and we’ll play. Your Daddy and I love you, and can’t wait to meet you soon. But first we need to finish what God had for us to do.

I love you my little sweetheart, and I’m glad that you are mine, even if I only knew you for a tiny space in time.

I will love you always, Mommy

On Behalf of a Grateful Nation...

"On behalf of the President of the United States,

The United States Navy,

and on behalf of a grateful nation

we would like to present you with this flag

in honor of your loved one's service.

Thank you for your sacrifice!"

These words, or something similar, are said as a tightly folded flag is laid in the hands of a grieving family.

I had the honor of attending a funeral for a friend of mine this last week.  He had faithfully served in the U.S. Navy, worked as a civilian for the Air Force, and was a loving Husband, Father and dear friend to many.

As I attended his funeral, with full military honors, I listened to Taps, watched them fold the flag, and heard them say something similar to the above as they passed the ceremoniously folded flag to the family.  We celebrated and honored the life of a man who was a magnificent example of what a godly man should be.

I couldn't help but pray that it is another 100 years before I have to hear those words for myself!  I pray the the rapture happens before that time comes!  But I know that just as my dear friend was surrounded by friends and family that the same will be true for me.

This leads me to my new determination in life. If there is ever a time I can be there for someone during a time like this I will take it.  It is not easy attending things such as this but I imagine that it is almost impossible for someone if they have no one to lean on for support.  I pray that I am able to be a friend and support to anyone I know that may need it during a time such as this.

Beautiful Weather

We have been enjoying some very beautiful weather the last week.  After some major storms that rolled through last month a bit of sunshine is very welcoming.

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending an engagement party for a friend of mine.  It was a lot of fun and it was great to see her and her fiance so happy together.

Since I was right down the road from a movie theater I decided to go see a movie before heading home.

It was a good movie and was nice to have an excuse to be out of the house for a while.

As I was walking along the canal downtown towards my car I realized that it was perfect weather for a nice walk with my hubby.  It got me to missing him and all the times we have walked along that canal together.  I spent the rest of the night missing him.

Today as I was thinking about it I realized how many days of beautiful weather I have to be thankful for so far.  There are so many memories I have of us going to a theme park, the Zoo or just a walk in the park on a nice sunny day.  I cherish all those memories and look forward to adding many more to the ones I already have.

Even though I miss my husband I have promised myself to take every sunny day and fill it with a past memory until I can add a new one to the list!

Anticipation

Do you remember as a little kid, the days/hours leading up to a big event like Christmas, Vacation, or family visiting?

I remember counting down days on the calendar as a kid.  I was always so excited for Christmas, Vacations,  visiting family, Camp and just about anything else.

Usually I would have my bags packed weeks, if not a month, in advance so I wouldn't forget anything.  Then, the night before, I would not sleep hardly at all.  My excitement would keep me up.

Well.... Nothing has changed.  Especially when it comes to visiting my husband.

I the last 5 months we have spent a total of 7 days together (not even all in a row).  I know being in the military means we won't get to see each other near as much, but that doesn't change how excited I am when I do get even just a couple of days to spend with him.

I would start thinking about what I'm taking weeks in advance, and sometimes even start packing that early.  I have the days numbered on my calendar so that I know exactly how many days I have left until I leave.

A couple days before, I start counting down hours as soon as I realize I am down to 48 or less. Then, I can't stop talking about how I can't wait to see him in X number of hours.

Then, the night before, yeah.... might as well not even go to bed because I KNOW I'm not going to be able to sleep.

On the drive down, I might as well be pumped full of caffeine the whole way because even if I'm driving I'm practically bouncing in my seat with excitement (without any caffeine).

Once I get close to where he's at.... I pace until I can see him because I'm that excited.

Once it's time to meet him, I anxiously scan the faces of every man in uniform that walks by..... hoping the next Airman to walk past me is my husband.

Then it happens.... I see him walking towards me and my heart stops!  The time is finally here!!  At that point It doesn't matter if it's been five minutes, five months or five years since I've seen him.  All I want is to be in his arms again.

The time always goes by too fast but the memories that we make (whether it is going to the zoo, a movie or just walking around somewhere) is what keeps me going until the next time I start counting down days.

My Airman

My Airman

 (By: Martha Pruett)

No words can describe

How proud I am of you

Putting everything you have

Into everything you do

Rising early in the morning

Staying up late at night

Spending every free moment

Becoming a unified flight

Classes, marching, saluting too

Rank recognition and learning to shoot

Chain of command, cleaning your gun

Learning to sing in the middle of a run

Seven short weeks left

And then I will see

An Airman in uniform

Smiling down at me

I’ll watch you run in front of me

An Airman’s coin you will receive

Parade, salute and an oath you will say

An Airman you’ll be at the end of the day

No words can describe

How proud I am of you

I hope you realize

How much I LOVE YOU!!!

This is a poem I wrote for Zac about a week or so after he left for Basic.  I sent it to him in a letter, hoping it would be an encouragement to him.